It’s easy to be jealous, to succumb to that roiling, unsettling feeling, deep within the pit of your stomach. To look at somebody else and their accomplishments, some seemingly achieved so easily in relation to your own struggles, and allow that sense of odd displacement deep inside to knock you off balance can be totally natural reaction to most situation.
It’s being able to try and roll with the punches, to graciously accept the situation you may find yourself within, whatever it may be, and rise above that can help define character.
Don’t get me wrong, everybody falls foul to the green eyed monster, some more than others, admittedly. But how you choose to deal with it, how you attempt to control your ego is what matters. By all means, be as petulant as you want to be, as long as you’re not being an out and out dick about it to others, especially to the people who have raised your ire.
A mixture of luck, preference, skill and perhaps, yes, just perhaps, being better than you at something allows others to excel and be recognised on occasions you may feel aren’t yet warranted. On the flip side, sometimes people get pushed ahead of you for truly bullshit reasons. Variables come into play, and context is king.
Last week I injured my knee whilst training. Since then I’ve had to stay off the mats and away from the gym I’ve grown so fond of. I miss Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, I miss rolling and I miss the experience of what it brings to my life. After being treated by A+E, I was relegated to being completely housebound for the next seven days; only the other day, the 25th, was I able to go out, and that was with the aid of a crutch.
The knee issue, thankfully not a break, turned out to be a heavily twisted, and bruised, muscle; I’m in a great deal of discomfort, with the knee aching and constantly stiff, meaning rolling is out for now, but it could have been a lot worse, and for that I’m grateful; grateful that it’s two weeks, not six months, of healing time. Grateful for the time to spend writing, working on my novel, where I finally passed the 50,000 word mark, my original NaNoWriMo writing goal! You’ve gotta look for those silver linings, huh.
It’s easy to be jealous of the people still rolling, and accomplishing things you wish you could accomplish or be recognised for; it’s easy to be jealous of the people you know who are working within an industry you hold in such high regard, but if BJJ has taught me anything, it’s to go with the flow more. Don’t force things: brute strength can be effective to a point, but it will never defeat true technique. The concept of ego has been a major sticking point for me, and was a major issue when I first started trying to get serious about BJJ, a combat sport I only intended to use as a means to stay fit and lose weight (though those goals seem to be subtly shifting, at least when I’m not injured!) and it’s something I may explore in more detail in the future. That being said, sometimes you can’t help but wonder: Is (s)he that good, or am I that bad? That’s true for both the mats and for film, but once again: it’s how you choose to deal with it that matters.
I’ll leave this video to end this blog, highlighting the necessity to embrace the need to overcome ones ego; that, although natural, comparison and jealousy are, ultimately, character killing, and that what truly matters is trying to strive and achieve your own goals.
What matters is your journey.