It’s been a while since I last blogged, thanks in part to a whole load of “real life” getting in the way of the projected life I aim for with my writing (primarily my girlfriends birthday, and my asking her to move in with me! She said ‘Yes’!)
Work, relationships and rewriting has been my existence, day in, day out, since I last made the time (didn’t find it; made it) to update Write Steve Write about what’s been happening with Temporary. First thing first: I still haven’t sent my manuscript off for a story edit in the way I’ve wanted to. Why? A mixture of a few extraneous reasons that can be stripped easily down to the core issues, one settled in reason, the other in art related judgy hang ups.
In other words? Money and fear.
A quick Google search of “Money and fear” found the image below, which is quite apt for anyone in this, or a similar, situation.
The fear is crippling, and leads to no forward progression. The ball stops rolling, momentum eventually runs dry, and this is, surely, the quickest way projects die; which is why I’ve given my self a self imposed deadline.
With my trip to Vancouver with Thea quickly approaching (March!), I intend in moving things around in order to sort out enough money to pay for the much needed story edit, ending with an in depth report on how/why my story is awesome/broken.
Will I struggle? Yes. But it’s not like I’m going to have to sell a kidney in order to make ends meet here. Have I already been struggling? Not enough to complain about, in fairness, despite my car debacles from January, but it’s not as though I am well off enough to look at the quoted costs I’ve been given across numerous websites (Bubblecow, Command +Z, Writer’s Workshop, etc), whilst smiling confidently to myself as I make it rain for them.
The fear is real, but it is somewhat, in equal measure, justified, and unjustified. Justified as, sure, this project is incredibly close to me and something I have laboured over for a year and a half, if not more, at this point. Naturally, it’s a little worrying to share this work with someone whose job it is to constructively (key word) analyse it for all its strengths and weaknesses. Conversely, it’s for that very reason that it needs to be done. How else will I find the critical, constructive (ah, there it is again) elements that need to be addressed and worked on?
As grateful as I am to the beta readers who volunteered to read my work, especially those who volunteered and actually read the fucking thing, it’s time to get a professional eye on this. I’m still eagerly awaiting feedback from a few beta readers in regards to the story and its characters but, as I wait, I think it’s time to pony up the cash and to (as the saying goes) put my money where my mouth is.
My flying away to Canada acts as an appropriate deadline to have sent off the manuscript for assessment. My intention is to not worry about it whilst I enjoy what Vancouver has to offer, and then to hit the ground running when I return to the necessary feedback and the inevitable hole in my bank account, after syphoning funds out for the story edit’s professional service, as well as the super, happy, fun time in Hockey Country.
And before anyone feels the need to pipe up with the thought of “Why don’t you NOT go to Canada, and use that money on the book?” Canada was booked ages ago, before the manuscript was done, and has been a place I’ve wanted to visit for a while now. Besides, you try and explain that (arguably logical) mindset to your partner, if you ever find yourself in a similar situation.
Here’s hoping I won’t want to run straight back to Canada.
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If you are a fellow writer and have used any of the services I am contemplating (Bubblecow, Command +Z, Writer’s Workshop) or have experience with any others that you could recommend, I’d love to hear from you, so sound off in the comments below!