It’s Not Much To Ask For, Is It?

 

Take solace in the small victories, the tiny accomplishments. Who knows what they could all add up to.

As of right now, I know that this blog exists as a tiny slice of the internet all for me. I know that I can journal my thoughts and journey towards turning a dream into a reality, with a few vacation blogs sprinkled in, too.

I also know that these posts will essentially act as a time capsule of my attempts. Forever present for those who may carelessly stumble across them.

Perhaps, at some point in the future, people may actively search these posts out to make sense of the marathon this endeavour feels like. At points, insurmountable. Perhaps I’ll be able to look back on these one day and smile wrly, thinking back on the struggling creative I was, as opposed to the homeless giggalo I’ve become.

Wait, I meant to say published author, with many years as a moderately succesful career as a writer under my belt. Yeah, that one. Not the other one.

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Until that point, however, these words, these thoughts, exist only for me.

There’s been a lot weighing me down recently IRL. A lot of things effecting me on a core, emotional level and it has, unfortunately, got to a breaking point where it’s having a real impact on the people I care about. It’s something I know I have to actively confront and deal with in order to get better.

It forced me to think about what I really want out of life. What ambitions I have. What I’ve allowed myself to do, or not do. It forced me to think about what could make me happy.

The life I dream for myself, my ‘perfect’ life – Write. Fight. Talk. – it isn’t an overly complex one. It isn’t one predicated on unfounded, unwarranted dreams of wild success and wealth.

A stolen conversation with a friend recently highlighted this to me, and the reality of the perceived simplicity of it did nothing more than get me down. How could something so simple be so difficult? So unattainable?

I want Write Steve Write to be a personal account of my journey towards representation and publication. That brings with it the lows and the highs – something this post captures. The elation of hitting the deadline up top, followed by the reality of the work that is still ahead.

Hoenstly? More than anything, I just wish I had more positive things to write. I wish I had proactive accomplishments to recount for you. To be a bearer of good news. Instead, I am accutely aware of how many of these posts, though charmingly naieve, have a somewhat dour note or tone due to the long process that this is. I’m sorry for that. I am. I don’t want to give nothing but negativity. I don’t want to be that kind of person, but somehow I’ve become everything I never wanted to be. Gnarled, angry, empty. The lack of progress to report highlights this, and is probably a major contributing factor to a lot of inactivity.

Write. Fight. Talk.

It’s not much to ask for, is it?

To be happy.

It’s not much to ask for, is it?

Sometimes, kinda yeah. Yes, it is.

It requires work. Both ambition and happiness do require work. Nothing just gets handed out, and this is where the time goes in. This, when life gets you down and tramples you, THIS is where you have to embrace the grind.

If you don’t? Well, give up right now. Work for the ‘man’ forever, clock in, clock out, die, and regret that you never even fucking tried.

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We’re all better than that. At least give yourself a chance. Even if no one else does, give YOURSELF a chance.

So, despite all this, I maintained a deadline goal and HIT it? That’s something. That’s something, and it’s worth celebrating, no matter how small.

I said it up top, I’ll say it again here:

Take solace in the small victories, the tiny accomplishments. Who knows what they could all add up to. 

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F
ollow me on Twitter @stevetendo, and be sure to check out my podcast, @sweetstorybro, for your bi-weekly fix of in depth geek critique!

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One thought on “It’s Not Much To Ask For, Is It?

  1. Pingback: (Emotional) Rock Bottom, (Emotional) Rock Bottom! | Write Steve Write

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