Wary Jubilation

On Monday 19th February, after diligently working on it since November 2017, I completed the vomit draft of my second manuscript.

Me? Yeah, I just finished the vomit draft of my second book, no big thing.

*Internally celebrating with unrepentant, victorious screaming*

Externally…#AmWriting #AmQuerying #StillTrying #TeamPerseverance #NeverGiveUp #Writing pic.twitter.com/tK3oE9yB6S

— Steve Russell (@stevetendo) February 19, 2018

The very next day I was back to my ‘day job’, earning the cash needed to put food on my table and keep the lights on by [job description redacted] with [expletive deleted] [description redacted].

Because writing in the dark is hard, especially as my process sees me perpetually bathed in the light emitted from my screen.

What’s the alternative? Actually write with my hands? What are you, a barbarian?!

It was a tough reality check after such a personal high, to once again make my way into a day job that was always meant to be a temporary (no pun intended) gig.

Let’s just say it didn’t work out that way. Yet.

My therapist once asked me what I get out of my job.

Satisfaction?

Career ambition?

Happiness?

The answer surprised me.

Time.

It’s Not Much To Ask For, Is It?

 

For those who know about this via my #podcast (@sweetstorybro), you know how important this was for me. #Deadline met. pic.twitter.com/ajkAKT3yG0

— Steve Russell (@stevetendo) January 23, 2017

Take solace in the small victories, the tiny accomplishments. Who knows what they could all add up to.

Stop Signs & Deadlines.

Welcome to 2017.

So, here’s a fun factoid: at this point in time I am beholden to no-one and, honestly, that’s how its been for the longest while. It’s also the reason why I’ve been so infrequent with my blog posts, writing, and overall progress. The only thing I’ve managed to really dedicate myself to is my geek critique podcast, ‘Sweet Story, Bro.’

The cruel irony is this: the podcast I created to help me embrace stories on a deeper level – to help me become a better writer – has, for the longest part of 2016, overtaken any sort of actual writing.

The podcast still serves its ultimate purpose. I have definitely grown self aware as a reader since its inception, and I have undoubtely learned from how these writers have chosen to tell their stories. I love engaging with narratives beyond ‘I liked it’/’It was good’ and the opportunity its given me to engage with like minded geeks – shoutout to #PodernFamily on Twitter! – and, perhaps most importantly, it’s fun!

Granted, as much growth as the show has seen since its debut (and format tweakage/evolution) last year on January 4th, I’m still naturally pushing for further growth. For more people to treat their ears to its aural sensations, if you will. It would be a dream if ‘Sweet Story, Bro’ could continue to evolve, to create a dialogue amongst writers and fans, perhaps even rake in a little cash to help with server and equipment costs via Donations and fans using the Amazon links for their online purchases (what a validating feeling it was to see people had been doing exactly this over Christmas!)

The podcast has, undoubtedly, been my greatest success this year. And as stoked as that makes me, it’s a double edged blade as its stolen from me the focus and drive I should have been investing into Temporary.

You know, the book I’ve been working on. One of the primary reasons this blog exists.

And so, like most, in the interest of using this time of year for some key self reflection and introspective dissection, its become clear to me that my habitual self sabotage, coupled with enviable levels of procrastination (emphasis on the pro), wrapped up with a pretty ribbon crafted out of a lack of personal accountability has led me to seeing the end of 2016, like most people, as a bit of a disappointing damp squib.

So, what the fuck do I intend to do about it?

On The Precipice.

It’s been a week and a few days since returning from a trip to visit family in Wales, and in that time I’ve hit the ground running. Not so much in regards to Temporary, in the way I hoped I would, but in other aspects of my life which, as of right now, have unfortunately gotten in the way of the forward progress I wanted in my writing. This is all thanks to some minor changes at that unfortunate necessity known as the ‘Day Job’.

Dreaming of more than Punch In, Punch Out, Repeat.