Wary Jubilation

On Monday 19th February, after diligently working on it since November 2017, I completed the vomit draft of my second manuscript.

Me? Yeah, I just finished the vomit draft of my second book, no big thing.

*Internally celebrating with unrepentant, victorious screaming*

Externally…#AmWriting #AmQuerying #StillTrying #TeamPerseverance #NeverGiveUp #Writing pic.twitter.com/tK3oE9yB6S

— Steve Russell (@stevetendo) February 19, 2018

The very next day I was back to my ‘day job’, earning the cash needed to put food on my table and keep the lights on by [job description redacted] with [expletive deleted] [description redacted].

Because writing in the dark is hard, especially as my process sees me perpetually bathed in the light emitted from my screen.

What’s the alternative? Actually write with my hands? What are you, a barbarian?!

It was a tough reality check after such a personal high, to once again make my way into a day job that was always meant to be a temporary (no pun intended) gig.

Let’s just say it didn’t work out that way. Yet.

My therapist once asked me what I get out of my job.

Satisfaction?

Career ambition?

Happiness?

The answer surprised me.

Time.

Hobbled New Year.

I flick the switch and watch as the fluorescent light flickers with an audible ting-ting-ting, flashing multiple times until, mercifully, it decides to stay on.

Surveying the room – a downstairs basement long forgotten – I notice the lone desk situated in the middle, a weathered leather chair situated on the other side of it.
Dust had decided that this was its domain now and blanketed everything in a fine, undisturbed layer. If it were snow, you might think it was pretty. As it stood, it only made me want to sneeze.

Walking over, I observe the computer sat proudly on the desk, the only thing on it bar a notebook. Leaning in, I find the power switch on the back of the bezel and with a single press am reassured when a familiar chime booms through in a pleasant sing-song tone.

The screens blue hue joins the fluorescent yellow as I pull the chair out and take a seat. Picking up the book, I use the back of my hand to cast the dust aside, opening the cover and taking pleasure in the crack the spine lets out.

All my notes are still there. The computer still works, and my story was ready to continue.

“Let’s do this,” I say to myself, ignoring how alone the walls make me feel as they absorb the sound. “Let’s do this, 2018, you sonovabitch”

***

So it’s a new year. 2018. The future.

The last time I updated was back in the long, long ago of 2017 – before November came and went, before Christmas consumed my December, prior to my being promoted to purple belt (!!!), and before New Years brought with it a mixture of merriment and punishment…

Still, when I’m ringing in the New Year with this crew of misfits, I can’t complain… ❤️ pic.twitter.com/wzwY06kW6C

— Steve Russell (@stevetendo) January 2, 2018

So what demanded so much of my time?

Lean closer, I don’t want everyone to know just yet. Just you, because you’re special. Not like him. He’s awful.

*hears disgruntled objections*

Huh? Oh, nothing. Just saying how great you are!

You see? Quick now, let me tell you what you want to know…

I’ve been working on a new story.

Turning Points.

November is only a few weeks away, and following that comes December. Then, as fast as that, 2018. We’re not even past Halloween (a grossly overlooked calendar event over here in the UK) and already the push is on for Christmas.
Time is cruel and never ever slows, much like the corporate agenda. (I mean, four months of promotion for Christmas? Are you serial?)

Temporary has been a part of my life in some form or another for a while now. Years, no less. I knew that the querying process would be slow – glacial even, though…global warming is a thing…so I don’t know how much that comparison really hits now – but I never expected to be sitting here years later, still processing rejections.
I had hoped that, given the months of graft and effort to finesse, submit, and query (you know, the hard work and emotional commitment of it all), it would have connected with somebody, anybody, by now. A connection that would lead to, at the very least, a request for a full manuscript that could then be rejected. As far as hurdles go, I’m still stumbling out the gate. Still, at least I’m OUT the gate. A story unwritten won’t get you very far, after all.

Here we see a visual representation of Temporary, stumbling hopelessly, but charmingly, out the gate.

But as the days get shorter and the weather turns colder, I would be lying if I said it didn’t bother me…that I wasn’t ready to exorcise this story and move on, clear, to the next thing.

Content.

Longtime readers of Write Steve Write, those who have been with me on this journey chronicling my up’s and down’s as I write, attempt to write, and berate myself for not writing, know one thing: there is consistent inconsistency.

Despite long breaks between updates, I have been, somehow, continuously charting my creative (in)actions and progress. Despite all the noise, I still want to share with you all the pitfalls and victories as they come. But it’s tough. Ask anybody who writes, podcasts, blogs, vlogs, or commits to any other chosen outlet for their thoughts, feelings, and attempts to comprehend themselves and the world around them. They’ll tell you the same.

When I first started, I intended to provide a weekly update. A scheduled check-in. Resolute in nature, and militant in its precise execution.

That lasted for about, what, three weeks, maybe? It’s not that I didn’t have anything to say – though, with weekly updates, I think there’s only so much marginal progression you can share before it becomes rote  – but the fact that I was essentially shouting into an uncaring void can stymie even the best of intentions. And it got to me. How could it not?

Most who share a semblance of themselves with the world, throwing it out into the vast Mad Max-esque post-apocalyptic scape that is the Internet, want a point of validation. It’s human to want to be heard.

Incoming Internet Trolls!

Some might argue the answer is to up the output. I can see how this would be the right solution for some people, but I don’t think it’s the right one for me. Why? Because I’m not content to create content.

There are others, however, who are obsessed with simply ‘generating content’.

State Of The Podcast Address

This has been a long time coming, and I apologise for that. I wanted to take a moment out of our regularly scheduled programming – you know, the raw, honest blogging/state of constant confusion that is my writing process and attempts to find an agent and eventual publication – to host a state of the podcast address.

For those that aren’t aware, I host a geek critique story review podcast titled, ‘Sweet Story, Bro’. To the best of my knowledge, it is the only real show of its ilk. Breaking down stories into the elements I enjoyed as well as what didn’t resonate with me, with a primary focus on narrative choices by the wonderful authors and storytellers that crafted these tales in the first place, all in order to determine whether I found the story ‘Officially Too Sweet’ or ‘Just Not Sweet Enough.’

 

I loved doing the show. It was a perfect justification to dedicate time to all the stories I wanted to experience, whether reading, watching, or playing. Long time readers of Write Steve Write or ‘Sweet Story, Bro’ will be well aware that I feel inspiration can, and should, be sought from every medium. The idea of restricting yourself to only one narrative avenue is an antiquated idea that has no place when considering the depth we can now experience from different platforms, and the podcast’s story choices reflected this value.

The podcast was an outlet. It was a learning experience and an education. It forced me to engage with stories on a deeper level than I had ever thought of before, questioning why the creators made the decisions they made through copious amounts of research. It helped me to further my understanding of formatting and how important it is to be willing to listen to feedback and evolve. When scripting, it allowed me to address my feelings before getting in front of my loyal Blue Yeti microphone. When recording, I would stumble across a stream of consciousness that threaded together thoughts I wasn’t aware I had. It showed me how to be adaptable, but resolute in my personal ‘voice’. It helped me to grow and better myself as a podcaster and, as was always the point, in theory, as a writer…

And it is here that I found myself with a conundrum. Arriving at a figurative crossroads.